Mike Bloomberg’s Awkward Dog Encounter Tops This Week’s Internet News Roundup

Welp, the UK finally did it. Brexit actually happened. Just when you thought it might never come to pass, it did. But that wasn’t the only thing that went down last week. Not by a long shot. Coronavirus also became an official global emergency over the last seven days, and the US economy started showing signs of slowing down. Oh, and part of President Trump’s proposed border wall got blown to Mexico by some strong winds. Also, Kobe Bryant died in a tragic helicopter crash, a fact that, for some reason, almost threatened the funeral of Mr. Peanut. It’s not all bad news, though; citizens of Earth also got the best look at the sun yet, and met the man who bought a Super Bowl ad for the veterinary research that saved his dog’s life. What else happened? More than we could ever recount in one place, but we’ll start with this.

The Impeachment Trial Continues

What Happened: The folks tasked with defending President Trump at his Senate impeachment trial got to argue their side.

What Really Happened: So, where are we with that whole impeachment of the president thing? Glad you asked.

At the start of the trial, you’ll remember, managers from the House of Representatives made their case for the impeachment of Trump across three days, running late into the evening every single day. Last week, the defense had the same time to present a counterargument to a Senate controlled by a party that wants it all over already.

That said, how do you defend someone who, just last weekend, was faced with even more evidence of possible wrongdoing? (That evidence, by the way, came from the manuscript of a forthcoming book by Trump’s former national security adviser, John Bolton; we’ll come back to that soon.) Across three days, Trump’s team tried a lot of different tactics. For the purposes of this roundup, we’ll stick to the highlights.

The first day was, well, a lot of repeating what Trump has been saying for months.

The argument was, basically, that there’s nothing wrong here except the Democratic Party as a whole. It also involved some, um, questionable parts.

On the second day, it became clear Trump’s attorneys were about to really dig in. Sort of.

It also didn’t escape people’s notice that two of the people arguing against impeachment were two of the people who had, in fact, pushed for President Clinton to be removed from office two decades earlier.

By the final day of the defense’s time, it was clear they were over it already.

Throughout the entire thing, the ghost of John Bolton lingered. Who leaked the manuscript? (The White House, for what it’s worth, is threatening legal action if the book gets published, despite significant pre-orders.) Will Bolton testify in the Senate, even though Republicans want this finished already? As the evidence against the president continued to build, it still appeared as though GOP Senators wanted to wrap this thing up soon.

The Takeaway: At the end of the week, the Senate voted against hearing from witnesses, effectively clearing the way for Trump’s acquittal. Then, this happened.

Who’s a Good Boy, Then? Who Is? Who Is?

What Happened: When meeting a new dog for the first time, what’s the polite way to say hello? No, seriously, do you know? Because Democratic presidential hopeful Michael Bloomberg might need some advice.

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