First off, the harsh reality: The coronavirus is continuing to spread, leading to thousands of new infections and many deaths. But before we get into the talking points, we’d like to acknowledge that, yes, this was a week where Ansel Elgort—Mr. Baby Driver himself—got naked for good reasons on Instagram, and still managed to only be the second biggest celebrity thirst trap of the past seven days. (Read on if you want to know who scored the top spot.) Elsewhere, US states want to reopen and end Covid-19 restrictions, and that’s really not a good idea, especially because the virus is far more widespread than people knew. Meanwhile, another 4.4 million Americans filed for unemployment last week, Amazon is helping independent bookstores in the UK, and somehow, fans have to wait longer for the new Dixie Chicks album, which feels unfair. (The new Fiona Apple is good, though.) With even comedy suffering, times are tough. It’s easy to miss things. Look below if you’d like to know what might have escaped your attention over the past week.
Trump Suspends Immigration Amid Covid-19 Concerns
What Happened: Citing the spread of the coronavirus, President Trump made moves to halt immigration to the United States.
There were also some practical problems with the announcement.
On Wednesday, Trump signed the executive order.
The Takeaway: This feels right.
Oil Prices Tank
What Happened: Good news for anyone looking to become an artisanal oil baron: It’ll probably never be cheaper than it is right now, as oil prices plunge to literally less than zero. The bad news? Well, that’s bad news.
What Really Happened: As is obvious by simply looking outside your window—which is all anyone can really do right now, and even that will just show some empty streets—everyone is living in a changed world these days. One of the more obvious, and perhaps surprising, signs of that change arrived last week when this happened to the price of oil.
Oh. So, yeah. It’s pretty important. But, and this is admittedly a bit of a stretch for what is a massive problem for a global economy that has now cemented that data is more valuable than oil, what if this is … actually a good thing?
OK, so it’s not actually a good thing, even if you know that you thought roughly the same thing for just a couple of seconds at least. (Also—spoiler alert—the idea that unrefined crude will go bad quickly is not actually true.) Yet the news did bring about a surreal moment where people realized how much the world has changed from just a few weeks ago.
If all of this is freaking you out a little, don’t worry—President Trump is on it.
Yes, the federal government can’t provide for its struggling citizens and is, apparently happy to let states go bankrupt because they paid for coronavirus responses and won’t be reimbursed, but a bailout package for oil companies? Of course!
There’s only one thing for it: Everyone needs to buy oil while it’s worthless, then set themselves up as oil companies and get a piece of this action. You know it’s the smart option.
The Takeaway: Yes, things are very very bad, but if you think about, there’s probably a really great movie script somewhere in all this.
Gambling in the Time of Coronavirus
What Happened: At a time when social distancing is helping protect people’s health, the mayor of Las Vegas suggested it was time to reopen the casinos.
What Really Happened: Granted, it’s very hard to know exactly what is the right thing to do to protect people in the middle of a pandemic. That said, Las Vegas mayor Carolyn Goodman’s plan seems pretty ill-advised.
Hey internet, what do you make of all this?
Unsurprisingly, the interview—and the response—quickly went viral in the mainstream media as well as social media. Thankfully, Goodman doesn’t have final say on the issue, and Nevada governor Steve Sisolak is pushing back.
The Takeaway: We’ll leave this one to Las Vegas native Jimmy Kimmel
Stanley Tucci Makes a Great Negroni
What Happened: Do you know how to make a perfect Negroni? If not, you’re in luck. Actor Stanley Tucci is here to teach you.
What Really Happened: We’ve said it before and we’ll likely say it again: It’s the small things that keep the collective internet sane during these trying times. Two weeks ago, it was a weird TV show about a woman with a golden arm. Last week? Mr. Tucci, you’re up.
OK, that was very helpful. But does does anyone else think it’s gotten a little hot in here all of a sudden?
Oh, all of you agree, it seems. So many people apparently shared this sentiment that the media couldn’t help but get into it, and who can blame them? Just look at him. To make matters even better, Tucci is apparently as wonderful as everyone thinks he is—at least according to the owner of America’s Ass.
The Takeaway: In closing, this.
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